Mommy Hunger

So I get to my first Easter today and before I even walk in, I start prepping myself. "Think like a skinny person, think like a skinny person, think like a skinny person." I tell myself this will be the holiday that I change my fate around. This will be the time I do not wallow in chocolate but I overcome all of that temptation and I eat the vegetables and I eat the fruit. I walk in the front door and I smell all the good home cooked aromas and walk towards them  reluctantly. I look at the table set before me and there is a huge bowl of cheese staring at me. Mmm...cheese. One little bite won't hurt. Then I grab a handful of veggies, I try the different dips and the hummus. Blech. I reached for the puppy chow, I have a handful and then I have another handful, and then I desperately search for my self control. I walked out of the room to find it. And then it is lunchtime. Ham, potatoes, macaroni and cheese, scalloped corn, rolls with butter, deviled eggs. I have just a little bit of all of it which equals quite a bit. Then I go back for dessert. This is where the damage really starts.  I have just a sampling of two different things. I don't want to overdo it I tell myself. But it is too late, I already have. I am stuffed to the gills. And then we go on to our second dinner. Second verse same as the first. Only this time I am elbow deep in the desert I did not allow myself to have the first time. The kids candy. Caramel Cadbury eggs and Reese peanut butter eggs. Chocolate cake with caramel icing. I am shoveling it in as if it's my last possible chance. Needless to say, I have to undo my pants before we even make it home.  Bloated. Miserable. Feeling like I want to throw up. Feeling like I do every single holiday. Whoops. Maybe Memorial Day I'll be that skinny person, but tonight....I gotta sleep off this food coma.

Mommy Anxiety

This may come as a shock to many of you but in "real life," I am really quite shy. Until I get to know you.  Meeting you for the first time you may think I am rude. I look down at the floor a lot. I shuffle my feet. I am a little bit awkward and lack confidence. I do not do the friendly expected chit chat very well. My anxiety gets the best of me and then I start thinking, and once I start thinking, I get paranoid. And then I start to second guess my every move. So I just don't say anything in fear of saying the wrong thing. They should teach a class on how to deal with being the cause of uncomfortable silence. I live in my head. I have no problems expressing all of my thoughts on paper, it's that eye contact thing that really bothers me. Unless we are close and I have become comfortable around you, and then you will not get me to shut up and you will be stunned to hear this completely forgetting those first few times we met. Any time I go to an appointment or a store for the "first time" I have to coax myself up. Need to make a call to make a reservation? Ugh.  Oil change? Dread! I'll never give up though. I don't want to let my social anxiety inhibit me from having an amazing life and usually I find once I push through the initial barrier, my best times were the times I took risks.  So, here is to conquering my self doubt, stepping out of my comfort zone, and practice what I am always telling my kids and really letting that freak flag fly. Not to be so consumed with what other people think that I start to mask my weirdness, my uniqueness,my awesomeness. So today, I challenge you to confront your fears. What gives you anxiety? Let's face it head on- together.  You wanna know what I did? I bought our tickets  for the annual St Marys cocktail party. And if you go looking for me, better wait in line because this mama is going to be mingling with the best of them.
The open bar helps. Xoxoxo