Mommy goals

To understand where someone IS, you must first understand where they have BEEN. 

Six years ago I was a single Mom. I lived off of Ramen noodles & camel lights. My idea of exercise was walking around the building at work to go smoke. It wasn't unusual for me to drink an entire bottle of Captain Morgan in one sitting & to go days without eating. I was a lost sheep when my daughter was with her Dad. I didn't know how to cope with the lonely & filled that emptiness with broken relationships & unhealthy habits. I was struggling through an awful never ending and very costly divorce & working as many hours as I possibly could. Yet sadly, it wasn't even the most unhealthy point in my life. 

3 years ago, I was pregnant with our son. I was almost 100 pounds heavier than I am now. I was depressed, nicotine withdrawing & exhausted. I was sick through most of my pregnancy & tried to just eat & sleep off the whole thing. I wanted to close my eyes, & it all be over. I remember crying when my sister Lynsey, (God love her.) told me she was throwing me this baby shower. My anxiety was through the roof regarding having to even attempt "looking cute" when I felt like a cow; let alone be the center of attention and open gifts in front of everyone. I must've seemed like an ungrateful B. But it killed me. 

2 years ago, I started a couch to 5K program very very reluctantly; ready to turn my life around. When I started, I couldn't even run 30 seconds. I was still 65 pounds heavier than I am now & even in my glory days of High School where I was a total jock & played every sport, I was never a runner. Regardless, I started moving. What's that saying about 'objects in motion stay in motion.' ? Well it's true. I had quit my job of 7 years that was giving me chair ass, where donuts and cake and bagels sat on a desk in front of me staring at me almost every day; to stay home with my babies and start a daycare. I had NO idea what I was doing. There were days I would cry when they cried. Even though I had been a mom for 6 years already, taking care of other people's kids was nothing like taking care of my own, even if I loved them. Was I out of my mind? Had I made a huge mistake? But I kept on trucking. I forced myself to work out while the kids napped. I did Jane Fonda videos, Zumba, various fitness videos on YouTube. I'd work out with kids crawling on me, or barricade myself in the kitchen- whatever I had to do to get it in. That's when I realized, hey- this is great! I can work out "on the clock!" What a blessing! Most people would love to have this opportunity! And I embraced the crap out of it. 

And here I am just a few years later. The process has been EXTREMELY slow. I've watched my friends do circles around me  on the track; & watched their weight seem to just fly off while mine didn't budge for an entire year! But I didn't give up. My goal was to be strong & fit. Never skinny. I was skinny before & not heathy at all. I knew I didn't want to be there again. There has been a LOT of fluctuating. (Actual graph of my progress.) 

A ridiculous amount of tears as I am finally to my pre-pregnancy (ever) weight but am still not able to get back into those old jeans on account of my body shape changing so much. My boobs have been through the freaking ringer with nursing 2 babies & all of this yo-yo'ing. Not to mention, it seems like just now other people have finally taken notice & are starting to say things & compliment me. I know it's not humble at all but when you work out 5 days a week, and you drop 55 pounds, you start craving those accolades! But that is not what this is about. This is about YOU. Your courage to start. You think you'll never be a runner? You think your life is destined to always be the same? Think of where your life was six years ago. Bet you had NO IDEA where you would wind up now. I hope I can encourage you on your journey by showing you what a real one looks like. It's not about losing weight quickly and getting thin. It's about being healthy. Being able to play with my kids for hours on end without being exhausted. Not feeling guilty when I indulge in some ice cream with them. Having the ability to move the furniture around without my husbands help. Not letting my body issues ruin our sex life. Confidence is the sexiest thing there is. I didn't need to change what I looked like for him. But I needed an internal makeover on how I felt about myself. When I'm headed in a health minded direction with my body...my mind, my spirit, my soul, follows suit. I have always had a super addictive personality and maybe all of this is just my new drug of choice. Well it's about time I replaced some of those negative addictions with positive ones. 

With the help of God, and a close friend who got me through the first 4- I met a goal this morning, and hit my 5th mile, all by myself. I never thought I'd see this day. And the best part is, I'm not even close to finished. And neither. Are. You.